Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Heroes and Villains - IX - angstboy

Heroes and Villains - IX - angstboy

Coffee. Black. No sugar. Strong. Through squinting eyes I could see rising steam. Steam or smoke. Definitely steam, the ban ruled out smoke. It was far too early to be awake. I had no idea why he chose this place, but I was lucky to get an interview at all.

MINDSWEEPER: So… Angstboy, what brings you here?

angstboy: You. Idiot. And it is angstboy. Lowercase a.

M: You can tell that by my tone of voice?

a: Don't be stupid. I just want you to get it right for your little magazine, seeing as it's so damn important to you.

M: Who are your sidekicks?

a: I'm not a superhero. I'm a sidekick. Unclaimed. I hang around with Gotharella and Unbearable Cuteness Girl though.

M: Don't you have any male friends?

a: What, like the ones who keep trying to kill me? I don't know, there's some weird kid who keeps coming over.

M: You look after a child? That's a heavy responsibility.

a: Do you even listen? I'm not responsible for him, he just keeps coming to my house. The neighbour's cat keeps wandering in, and he comes over to play with it.

M: Is he well behaved?

a: He has some kind of hypnotism vision thing, tried to use it on me once. Saved my life another time though, so I guess he's ok.

M: What about Gotharella?

a: Some crazy witch woman. She's pretty but she has no reflection, it's weird. Got cursed or something. Fell in love with me for some reason. Then she saved my life too. So I guess that worked out ok.

M: And the other girl?

a: I had a crush on her. It didn't work out. That was a long time ago anyway. Christ, you ask a lot of questions. We're just friends now. No idea how she still puts up we me. I can't be worth her time.

M: What do you mean?

a: She killed an Iron Lord of Death. Made his heart explode just by smiling at him. That's incredible power. Like I said, I'm just a sidekick.

M: You do have powers though right?

a: I once almost beat a villain to death with a baseball bat.

M: Interesting.

a: Don't be a patronising asshole. The bat was formed entirely of my own angst. Beating people senseless with the metaphysical is really difficult.

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