Monday, 10 September 2018

Chimpyfest 2018

So here we go again. Chimpyfest 2018. New venue. More expensive beer, cleaner toilets with more capacity. No car park for street cans and Buckfast. Anyway, enough whinging let's mention the bands.


Spacegrind. Drums, guitar, and two guys manipulating pedals like someone's pointing a gun at their children. A great start to Chimpy.


Sharing some members with the first band, this is some dirty 90s grindcore reminiscent of early Napalm Death. Lovely.


Brutal 2 piece, short manic blasts. Get involved. What a great name. Shame there was no cover of Easy Lover though.


Savage throat tearing 3 piece, first pit of the day. Like Narcosis if they weren't abrasive dickheads. Probably. And they have a new record out so fucking buy it.

Foetal Juice

I've seen these cunts on telly. Filthy death metal. Have it. Nasty, sludgy, and from Manchester. So naturally the Southerners here fucking love it. Where's my fucking prawn sandwich? Actually Roy Keane can go fuck himself these riffs are tasty enough


First two bands resurface. It is loud. It is fast. I think Chimpy has just imported a whole scene. Dual vocals, crunchy grind, not quite as filthy as earlier, but pretty fucking solid.

Anal Penetration

Well who doesn't love at least a little bit of Anal Penetration? For some it is the highlight of their day, for some it makes their whole week. Filthy cybergrind is the order of the day here, superfast drum machine  and all. Arsehole tight, he didn't hit a single bum note. The audience loved it, showing just how much fun Anal Penetration can be.


Missed them due to jobsworth security not letting us back into the venue. Sorry! Tony did an impression of their set though and on that basis they get 8/10.

Tony gets Tony/10


Warfuck will straight up tear your face off. Riffs like a crowbar to the jaw. Drums like a herd of elephants snorting racetrack size lines of speed. I'm not sure if my head's going to hurt tomorrow because of a hangover or because of Warfuck


Good old sludgy crust punk. The sound of a scrumpy hangover. Or at least what it would be personified as while you tell everyone to fuck off out of your way so you can throw up and then down some painkillers with your next pint of cider


Imagine a pill that flashes a dystopian sci-fi horror novel through your brain every couple of minutes. The screams of a thousand dying alien races and spaceships crashing into slowly dying stars. That is what Antigama sound like.

Vitamin X

Vitamin X are fast and angry but it seems more wholesome than all the grindcore. Probably because the sound is cleaner and I don't feel as dirty listening to it. Probably attributing this to me being tired, and it sounds way more unfair to the other bands than intended. I guess some filth just never washes off. If they'd played earlier today this would have been just the massive energy boost I needed. They finished a track with the words "you suck" just as I was typing this. For running out of energy yes I do indeed suck, but Vitamin X don't. High energy hardcore that's pissed off but doesn't leave you feeling miserable. Inevitably, as it is Chimpy, there's an inflatable alligator bouncing around the crowd.


Chimpyfest day 2 


Filling in for the mighty Groak, Dgorath peddle some pretty savage death metal. Just what your ears want for breakfast. 


Horse is the bastard. The band that never bothered to give you a reacharound and still expected you to say thank you. Your hangover is gone only to be replaced by these noisy cunts from Liverpool determined to make your head fucking hurt so much you need a drink just to recover. New recording incoming. Get it in your ears you shabby motherfucker.


Fucking fast. You thought Horsebastard were an assault on the senses, Christ. Atomçk don't fuck around. I daren't headbang in case I snap my neck right off. Severe drumkit abuse. How the fuck are these guys so fast? Linus shreds ears with his screams. Killing Joke might be music for a wardance, this is music for a nuclear fucking apocalypse. Proper sound guys offstage but onstage this is fucking terrifying.

Corrupt Moral Altar

These are a vicious bunch of cunts. Will Chimpyfest let up at all today? Hahahaha no fuck you. This isn't so much going for the jugular as repeatedly smashing you over the head with a really sharp rock. Enjoy the hangover fuckers!

Winds of Genocide

Crusty grind with a hefty groove to it. Something to get your teeth into after several pints. Almost doomy, this makes me want Guinness.

My Minds Mine

Back to the vicious grindcore. Fucking old school. No messing, heads down, punishing riffage. Can't mess with the classic formula. One to jolt you back to life.


This sounds dirty. I hope they're using protection. Sounds a little like... goregrind. A shadow of what is to come. Low guttural vocals, yes, this is definitely a little bit naughty. A welcome change of pace. Testament to the lineup of Chimpy that there's enough variety in what some (read: twats) would consider such a narrow niche of metal.


Hold up didn't we ban these cunts a while back? Proof you don't fuck with the Welsh, this is some dirty death metal at its finest. Something to give the Daily Mail rage merchants a permanent stiffy until their hearts fail from the blood loss. Oh shit I'm writing their next song.


Grindcore. In your pants. Not much more to be said.

Left early so missed ENT, Sete Star Sept, and Doom.

ENT I've seen before a few timed and they've always been fucking class. Had a chat with ENTs merch guy while waiting to buy a Doom tshirt for a mate and he was a real sound lad, so much respect.

Gutted to miss Sete Star Sept as I'd heard nothing but good things from various people, including Atomçk. Savage grindcore.

Doom. So my pal Tim is a policeman, and with prior agreement, I'd bought him a Police Bastard tshirt. I got a big sneer from the Doom chap I bought it from when I mentioned it was for a copper. I understand there are some dickheads on the force, but my pal works investigating child abuse cases. Now I'm not saying Doom are paedophiles, or even that they're pro-paedophile but sometimes you need to lay aside the snide cunt routine and grow the fuck up. Fucks sake man. Crust punks are a fucking diagrace sometimes. Go fuck off and do a fucking split with Agathocles you cunts. I found out afterwards that while taking a photo of said t shirt to message my mate asking if he wanted one, their merch guy got a bit shirty (lol) about said photo and tried to block the tshirt for the photo. Perhaps they are committed to the anti capitalist cause, but in that case why bring merch in the first place? Hypocritical bellends maybe? Christ I'm not even a cop and I'm annoyed by it. Shame really as I'd been looking forward to seeing them. Apparently they redeemed themselves with a cracking set. Just a shame the drummer's a bit of a grumpy (police) bastard. 

Day 3

Chimpyfest day 3 


Noisy as fuck 4 piece who enjoy Guinness. They have a synth and everything. This is much better than going to church. Also they're working on a full length. Get involved yeah? D beat tinged savage hardcore from people you might actually like as human beings. What are the fucking odds on that? Pretty slim, but that's your own damn fault. Lifewrecker don't give a fuck about your hangover. Just the right side of nasty to kickstart day 3. What an opener. Got the audience going too, nicely warmed up and back to life. Before it gets wrecked.


Gimpnoise. Not a genre I'm familiar with. Drum solo woop woop. Probably popular in Japan.
Catastrophic Blunt Force Intracranial Haemorrhage Fluid Leaking From Ruptured Eardrums if you must. Too many fucking x's if you'd rather not.

Hack Job

Fast. Loud. Screamy. Good old tyme shambolic hardcore. Do they really need more words? Probably not. Hack Job, hack journo. "If you like shambolic ten second songs, we're your gentlemen". Accurate. 
"This is a song about kicking sexism out of grindcore. It's called 'Porngrind Go Fuck Yourself' " Good lads.

Man Hands

This is grind to party to. Fast as fuck and twice as fun. Nice that they finally turned up and smashed out some fucking tunes. Get a fucking pint down you and get in the pit.


Hefty. Doomy as fuck. I like this. Sonic equivalent of a fat j when the security guards aren't looking. 2 piece that I wouldn't normally expect at Chimpy, but I'm glad of the change of pace to keep me going. One I need to check out on record. One you also need to check out on record.


Guitars go widdly widdly. Then back to the crust like a decent slice of toast. Where's that fuckin' cider?


Some savage old school death metal. Bit of a shock to the system as I was expecting Bastardhammer but still, they're pretty good. Bit of a Death throwback I guess but that's not a dig. Frontman has a Death tshirt, should have been a clue. Decent stuff though, well worth checking out.


You're a cunt. Don't forget it. Bastardhammer will punch you in the fucking face you fucking wanker. Prick. Fuck off.

Rash Decision

Thrash til death and then fuck off. Preferably to the bar to slam some beers before you run back to mosh.

Oi polloi

Punk as fuck. Audience singing along. We love chimpy. Scottish crust punks who were brilliant fun.


Goregrind gets a pretty bad rep but this is fucking savage. 

Also special mention to Gino, absolute beast in the pit, grinning like a fucking madman, one of the first to lift people up when anyone went down in the pit. Gino also gets a Tony/10.

So glad I took a day off work to recover. See you next year!

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